The Headmaster's Report

The Headmaster’s Report:



Two More Years at Country Day
1951 - 1953

“Moral education is impossible apart from the habitual vision of greatness,” Jane Russell once observed to a group of stunt men at R.K.O. Some years later, Alfred North East Southwest Blackhead, Ph.D., M.A., D.D.S., D.D.T., remarked, “A college education is simply peachy.” Combining these two statements, we arrive at an impasse. However, as Voltaire once said, “Le crayon est sur la table.” Bear this in mind.


1.     AN ALERT, SYMPATHETIC FACULTY

Teaching is nurturing character. Character must be nurtured. To better nurture character, good teachers are needed. Teachers who know how to nurture character are good teachers. We have hired teachers who know how to nurture character, and so they must be good teachers. The new masters we have hired are competent, humanitarian, and indispensable.

New Teachers

Roy G. Biv,
    a graduate of Hadley Tech. and of Oxford,
    who is from Floor Lamp, Nebraska.

Dimitry Newton Cunningham,
    a graduate of Lennox and of P.U.,
    who is from Bear Hug, North Dakota.

Rasputin Newton Cunningham,
    a graduate of Essex and of P.U.,
    who is from Falling Arches, Minnesota.

Sam Newton Cunningham,
    a graduate of Sussex and of P.U.,
    who is from Charley Horse, Arizona.

Fig Newton Cunningham,
    a graduate of Kleenex and of P.U.,
    who is from Hot Rocks, Arkansas.

Victor H. Janowicz,
    a graduate of Kooch-i-ching and of Ohio State,
    who is from Bushwhacker, Tennessee.

But, as men come, men must go. Ernest C. Savage Jr. has taken a job at the McDonnell Aircraft Corp., and Roy Battenberg has accepted a position in Washington with the Reconstruction Finance Home Loan War Mobilization Board to Save Old Clothes. (Please wash before mailing.) However, our greatest loss was when dear old Enoch Methuselah came under the school’s pension plan when he reached his nine-hundredth birthday. The revered, farsighted, nearsighted, paralyzed from the neck up for the last two years, staunch old crusader said, “It sure will be a relief to give up coaching football. Ya-hoo!”

Improving Ourselves

During the summer Mr. Hobbs had a plastic surgery operation. Mr. Brown went back to college to take a course in “Spy Hole Investigations,” but was dismissed for smoking. Mr. Raymond studied the recent developments in birdhouse construction at the Rankin Trade School and made a ten thousand word report to the mother’s committee. Mr. Twichell is taking a night course at Harris Teachers’ College in journalism, in addition to his regular duties on the faculty. So far all his grades have been A’s and a letter from his instructor said, “Charlie Twichell has continued to make an A of himself.”

As a further aid to the improvement of teaching and the growth of the faculty, the trustees have made a psychiatrist available as a consultant. The psychiatrist, Dr. Tracy, is using his hypnotic powers to great advantage, as witness the fine esprit de corps (translation: baseball team).

This shows the fine improvement of our faculty. They are not growing stagnant. “Stagnancy is one of the world’s greatest troubles,” said Herman Boomshaft, Water Commissioner for Pismo Beach, Cal.


2.     RESPONSIVE, GROWING BOYS

Whatever the quality of a teacher, his efforts will end in frustration unless a boy is responsive.

Boys at Country Day are responsive; they grow. Although Country Day’s overall aim is to teach boys to recognize excellence and to pursue it, the School’s immediate responsibility is to prepare boys for college.

Abilities

Scientific tests by independent consulting laboratories prove that although the I.Q. of 50% of Country Day boys is 20% below the normal of the country, the inflationary trends of these times, shown by the cost of living index, prove that 99-44/100% of the boys at C.D.S. have an I.Q. that is inversely proportional to the average boy on the secondary school level. Therefore, Country Day is 250% above the I.Q. of the students 35% below them.

Comparison with Other Schools

It would be foolish to attempt to compare any other schools with Country Day, but, not to be termed snobbish, we do. In tests taken by 23,639 students from 1576 separate classes representing some 229 top-flight independent schools, Country Day boys won eight first places out of a possible twenty-nine, which makes Country Day boys about 6597% smarter. Let’s see somebody equal that!

College Admission

In the individual conferences the Headmaster had with each of the graduating seniors, he advised them, “Go to Princeton, or go to Hell.”

The choices of this year’s graduates were:


Princeton15
Hell16

A Cosmopolitan Democracy

Will Rogers once sang, “Oh give me a home, Where the buffalo roam, And the schools are a cosmopolitan democratic association with differing economical and social classes.” Or, as Herr Dr. Max Beergarten spoke out, “Let’s giff dem un chance to mingle.” At Country Day we let the boys do just that—mingle. They mingle in the classroom, the lunchroom, and the locker room. Boys from as far north as Alaska get together with fellows their own age from the Belgium Congo and China. This is a cosmopolitan democracy—the American way of life. Country Day is not “exclusive.” Just because it costs $1500 a year to go to this democratic school doesn’t mean there aren’t all types of boys enrolled. We admit most of the fathers are company presidents, but don’t think that there isn’t a goodly representative number of vice-presidents, too.

Honors

Boys at C.D.S. continue to win honors in national competition. In 1950 Richard O. Munsch won a medal given by the French government for excellence in speaking the French language. Dwight Seward won the Dartmouth bowl for his hand-carved, lucite toilet seat. His art instructor upon hearing of the award commented, “This will make people stand up and take notice.” R. Oliver Funks won his second Pulitzer Prize for a historical article. Robert Mudd won a brass key from Crime, Inc. for his authentic engraving of a ten dollar bill. David Wallingford’s name was slanderously omitted from the Honor Roll last week.

Country Day is proud of its honor winners. As Donald Meyer once said to no one in particular, “Ah’m not much for this speech makin’ stuff, but these are the type of good fellers we want at ol’ C.D.S.”

A Sense of Values

Of course, we at Country Day are impatient with slovenly dress, speech and manners, but on an exalted level we believe that boys at C.D.S. are developing a mature sense of values. “A penny saved is a penny earned”; “A full house takes a straight”; and, as Dr. Hugh Johnson, Dean of Admissions, once admitted to a prospective parent, “We give Eagle Stamps.”

Reading, Writing, and Speaking

To meet the often heard criticism that boys today can neither read nor write nor speak, we come out and say that this is only a half truth. And I am indignant whenever I hear people saying things like that about Country Day boys. 58.2% of the boys in the Upper School can read. The literacy of Country Day students compared with that of some of the greatest nations of the world is:

Country Day27.1%
Outer Mongolia26.9%
China4.6%
Belgium Congo7.2%
Schlitz3.2%

Obviously, if a boy tries to write well one period a day and pays little attention to how he writes during three or four periods a day, he will not readily develop a clear, correct style to use in the other three or four periods of the day that directly don’t lean towards writing skill, in so much as style and simplicity is important. Accordingly, nevertheless, boys will be boys and try to avoid that which is first and foremost, and shun doing that which is asked of them merely for their own benefit in profiting, and getting a job done. Passing the buck is dangerous; but, in so much as this pertains to the older boys only and not those in lower grades or applicants for the ensuing years, we shall let it pass as experience.

To develop better diction, all the boys have been practicing speaking with marbles in their mouths.

Morale

Activities such as these account for the wholesome, friendly relationships between the faculty and the trustees, the faculty and the parents, the faculty and the alumni, the faculty and the boys, the faculty and ground crew, the faculty and the office staff, the faculty and the janitors, the faculty and Mr. Brew. In fact, everyone likes the faculty but the faculty.

When someone says ham, you think of eggs. When someone says Jane Russell, you think of big Bob Waterfield. These are associations. When someone says organizations, you think of Y.M.C.A. That’s an association. At Country Day we have associations led by the parents and alumni, such as the “Get More Money for Dear Ol’ Cunny” campaign.

Assembly Programs

Among speakers of national prominence who have spoken at our assemblies in recent months are Tony Scopollani, world famous fishmonger and spaghetti tester; Julius Finkeletter, French chef on the scow barge, U.S.S. Harry Truman; Dexter Maitland, singer and straight-man at the Grand; and Jake Early, descendant of Gen. Jubal Early of the Civil War. On the lighter side, we were entertained by the marimba virtuoso, Mr. George Baumgartner, and world traveler, Frank Buck, who brought back a live specimen from the Virgin Islands … a small peninsula.

Health and Athletics

At the beginning of 1952, the School hired a new nurse, Miss Sowerbox. Miss Sowerbox has a key role in the health, well-being, growth, and education of every boy enrolled at Country Day. Working closely with Robert Hughes, Director of Athletics, she ascertained the facts which can be learned about each boy; and she determined the kind of exercise most beneficial for each boy.

Although Mr. Hughes is still on his sit down strike, he has begun to study each boy’s abilities with respect to strength, endurance, coordination, posture, and capacity.

The athletic program has been expanded to include the following sports on either an individual, intramural, or inter-scholastic basis or on all bases; football, basketball, soccer, baseball, track, tennis, golf, poker, volley ball, trap-shooting, crap-shooting, bull-slinging, boxing, wrestling, hop-scotch, riflery, monopoly, rook, gymnasium games, calisthenics, post-office, and corrective exercises.

Well rounded athletics produce well rounded boys, who are well-heeled.


3.     SERVING A COMMUNITY

A school is significant only if it serves its community in the largest sense. Country Day serves Berkely Township in the largest sense. Country Day is significant.

Home and School

Home and Country Day are, in fact, becoming parties in a program of mutual adult education. It is an obligation the school must fulfill in educating the parents as well as their children. The ways in which Country Day is carrying on adult education among parents is through organization of a Neat Books Group, and through spasmodic mailings to all parents of reprints of such articles as “There Is No Queer Boy,” “A Neurologist Looks at Neuropsychosis,” “Is There Homosexuality in Private Boys Schools?” and “How To Bake An Apple Strudel.”

Invitational Weight-lifting Tournament

Over the Memorial Day weekend during each of the last two years, Country Day has held a weight-lifting tournament in which all girls’ schools in the area, and a few weak sisters from outside, have been invited to enter teams. While Country Day has made a respectable showing in these tournaments, the School has failed to finish in the first five so far. Last year the winner’s trophy went to Fontbonne. However, it must be mentioned that Jim Martin established a new school record by pressing 35 pounds.

Other Services

In other ways also, the School has continued to serve the community. Mr. Champ used the gym as a cow barn during the cold spell last winter. Both men and women of Kinloch, our neighboring brethren, have used the auditorium for revival meetings. The Berkely dog catcher has used “Twitchell Towers” for a pound. And Bill Bangert, ex-officio, has used our track to put his shot. As far as I’m concerned, he could put his stinking shot somewhere else.

Alumni

The real measure of the alumni is their daily service—unheralded and unsung—to St. Louis and the country.

Harold Sung, ’23, an unheralded and low-slung warrior, runs a hand laundry on South Pestallozzi St.

T.S. Smart, ’51, has written his first novel, A Portrait of the Young Man as an Artist, and is dying of starvation in Paris.

Johann Chigi-Scracinni-Menotti Abbott, ’51, who is full of Shostokovitch, has composed several sad scherzos and a few depressing symphonies, but his greatest success comes from his singing commercials.

On the political front, “Jellyroll” Hogan, ’20, Morris Shenker, ’31, and Donald Meyer, ’51, have recently been investigated.

These are among those of our alumni who show,

“The constant service of the antique world,
Where service sweat for duty, not for meed!”

(Ed. Note: Huh?) . . .


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